Fourth candle

Thanks to Heinrich, there is no Santa Clause (any more) - I am sorry! 

And you know why? Well here is an explanation made by some physicists...

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear to) handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census)rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding etc.
   This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anoint, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim)would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion -- If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. 

I wish you and all your loved ones a very merry Christmas
with lots of quality time for each other!

Third candle

Well, now it's official - since Wednesday I am an anniversary edition! It was my birthday and I celebrated it with coffee in bed and binge watching "The Crown" on Netflix :-) My original plan was to relax in the Hot Tub and do some window shopping downtown but it was pouring with rain and I stayed on the couch. My special thanks to all who thought of me!

Btw my plan with the Christmas cookies didn't work out - I had to do another batch last weekend. Therefore I added another portion of waffle cookies (and in case anyone wants to try this at home: please be aware that the waffle iron gets pretty greasy and yuckie due to the butter in the dough), Angel Eyes (topped with raspberry jam) and nut macaroons - and as I wanted to use up some leftover ingredients I took ground almonds instead of ground hazelnuts and used some powdered sugar mixed with vanilla sugar which was left from my vanilla crescent cookies. Then I was short of whole hazelnuts and took walnuts instead - anyway, they were sooo good.

I finally made it! I managed to get all my Christmas mail posted today, jippieh!

And to celebrate the third advent please find another scene from my beloved movie "Life of Brian":

Scene 2: Three Wise Men with Bad Senses of Direction

holy music

BABY BRIAN COHEN: crying

WISE MAN #1: Ahem.

MANDY COHEN: Ohhh!

whump

Who are you?

WISE MAN #1: We are three wise men.

MANDY: What?!

WISE MAN #1: We are three wise men.

MANDY: Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me.

WISE MAN #3: We are astrologers.

WISE MAN #1: We have come from the East.

MANDY: Is this some kind of joke?

WISE MAN #2: We wish to praise the infant.

WISE MAN #1: We must pay homage to him.

MANDY: Homage? You're all drunk. It's disgusting. Out! The lot, out!

WISE MAN #1: No--

MANDY: Bursting in here with tales about oriental fortune tellers. Come on. Out!

WISE MAN #2: No, no. We must see him.

MANDY: Go and praise someone else's brat! Go on!

WISE MAN #2: We--

WISE MAN #1: We were led by a star.

MANDY: Or led by a bottle, more like. Go on. Out!

WISE MAN #1: Well-- well, we must see him. We have brought presents.

MANDY: Out!

WISE MAN #2: Gold. Frankincense. Myrrh.

MANDY: Well, why didn't you say? He's over there. Sorry the place is a bit of a mess. Well, what is myrrh, anyway?

WISE MAN #3: It is a valuable balm.

MANDY: A balm? What are you giving him a balm for? It might bite him.

WISE MAN #3: What?

MANDY: That's a dangerous animal. Quick! Throw it in the trough.

WISE MAN #1: No, it isn't.

MANDY: Yes, it is. It's great, big mmm...

WISE MAN #3: No, no, no. It is an ointment.

MANDY: Aww, there is an animal called a balm,... or did I dream it? So, you're astrologers, are you? Well, what is he then?

WISE MAN #2: Hmm?

MANDY: What star sign is he?

WISE MAN #2: Uh, Capricorn.

MANDY: Uhh, Capricorn, eh? What are they like?

WISE MAN #2: Ooh, but... he is the son of God, our Messiah.

WISE MAN #1: King of the Jews.

MANDY: And that's Capricorn, is it?

WISE MAN #2: Uh, no, no, no. That's just him.

MANDY: Ohh, I was going to say, 'Otherwise, there'd be a lot of them.' sniff

WISE MAN #1: By what name are you calling him?

MANDY: Uh, 'Brian'.

WISE MEN: We worship you, O Brian, who are Lord over us all. Praise unto you, Brian, and to the Lord, our Father. Amen.

MANDY: Do you do a lot of this, then?

WISE MAN #2: What?

MANDY: This praising.

WISE MAN #2: No, no. No, no.

MANDY: Er, well, um, if you're dropping by again, do pop in. Heh. And thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense, er, but don't worry too much about the myrrh next time. All right? Heh. Thank you! Good-bye! Well, weren't they nice? Hmm. Out of their bloody minds, but still.

WISE MEN leave

Look at that. Hoo hoo hoo.

WISE MEN return and grab presents

Here! Here! Here, that-- that's mine! Hee. Hey, you just gave me that! Oh.

whump

holy music

BABY BRIAN: crying

MANDY: Shut up. smack 

Second candle

Hey guys, I hope you had a cosy second advent like me - with Stollen, tea and cookies. What else could you do in that ugly weather of ours? As I had choir rehearsals on Thursday I did my house cleaning on Saturday and didn't do much other than than. Only a bit of fuzzing around with Christmas presents so I can't show here. On my German blog I published a poem by Loriot but I am unable to translate it. To sweeten your week please find below the first scene of one of my favorite movies… Have fun!

Life of Brian Script
Scene 1: The Relationship of Men and Sheep

holy music
MORRIS: I love sheep.
SHEPHERD #2: So do I. Terrific animals. Terrific.
MORRIS: No trouble.
SHEPHERD #2: No, no trouble.
SHEPHERD #1: Except at shearing. They can play up a bit, then; can't they?
MORRIS: Oh, yeah, but I like that sort of little burst of frenzy they have then, you know. I like it when they get a little bit angry. Shows they're human.
SHEPHERD #1: Oh, yeah. I-- I-- I'm not saying I dislike them at shearing, you know, but they can be a bit of a handful; can't they?

MORRIS: Well, so would you be if you had a great pair of scissors snippin' away while someone held your back legs apart. 

SHEPHERD #1: Hm. 

MORRIS: You'd wiggle a bit. You'd kick up a bit of a fuss. Heh.

SHEPHERD #1: Yeah, I-- I'm not saying I just expect them to stand around in the fields and nibble the grass and look a bit pretty. I-- I'm not saying that. 

SHEPHERD #2: Oh, but they are pretty; aren't they? 

MORRIS: Yeah. 

SHEPHERD #1: Oh, SHEPHERD #2: I mean, look at that one over there against the sky. The white of the coat, the little black face against the twinkling stars beyond. 

MORRIS: Yes. Aww. Terrific. 

SHEPHERD #1: Mhm. 

MORRIS: Terrific animals. 

SHEPHERD #1: Mm. 

SHEPHERD #2: The little lambs in springtime. 

MORRIS: Oh. 

SHEPHERD #1: Ahh. 

MORRIS: The lambs, eh? Now you're talking. They're lovely, eh? I love them. 

SHEPHERD #2: Oh, so do I, Morris. I love them more than anything. Little white furry bundles. 

SHEPHERD #1: Mhmm. 

MORRIS: I think, of all God's creatures, sheep have the best offspring. 

SHEPHERD #2: Oh, yes. Terrific animals. 

MORRIS: Mm.

SHEPHERD #2: Terrific. 

SHEPHERD #1: Yeah. They're so sure-footed.

SHEPHERD #2: Hm. 

MORRIS: And quick-witted.

SHEPHERD #1: Are they quick-witted? 

MORRIS: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, they're quite, uh, quick-witted. 

SHEPHERD #1: Mhm. 

SHEPHERD #2: Always cheerful. Hmm. 

SHEPHERD #1: Well, except at shearing. Hehhehheh. 

MORRIS: Why are you always on about shearing? 

SHEPHERD #1: I'm not always on about it, Morris.

MORRIS: You are a great deflator, you are. 

SHEPHERD #1: He was-- 

MORRIS: Of all the moments in their little lives, you unerringly put your finger on the one moment where they lose a little bit of dignity. Well, I regard that as cheap, quite honestly. 

SHEPHERD #2: Oh, look! Look. One of them's looking up at us. Heh. He knows we're talkin' about him. sniff 

SHEPHERD #1: Morris, don't get me wrong. I actually like their behavior at shearing. I actually like them when they get a little bit cross. I find that endearing. 

MORRIS: That's the fantastic thing. They're beautiful to look at, well-disposed, quite quick-witted, and yet, tough as nails. 

SHEPHERD #2: sniff 

MORRIS: sniff 

SHEPHERD #2: You know, I can't think of anything I'd rather do than watch sheep. 

MORRIS: Mmm. 

SHEPHERD #1: The only other animals that I would be remotely interested in watching would be cats. 

MORRIS: They don't have flocks of cats. 

SHEPHERD #1: No, I-- I'm not saying they do, Morris. 

MORRIS: Can you imagine a herds of cats waiting to be sheared? Meow! Meow! Woo hoo hoo. 

SHEPHERD #2: Shh! Shh. I heard something over there.

MORRIS: Wolves? 

SHEPHERD #2: Could be. 

MORRIS: Where? 

SHEPHERD #2: Over there. 

MORRIS: Right. 

thump thump 

Take that, you buggers! 

SHEPHERD #4: Oowhh.

SHEPHERD #2: That's not a wolf. 

SHEPHERD #4: S-- Gordon Bennett! 

SHEPHERD #3: ungh What did you do that for!? 

MORRIS: I thought he was a wolf. 

SHEPHERD #3: You hit him right in the face! 

MORRIS: Well, he shouldn't come snooping 'round like that. 

SHEPHERD #3: You wait till you hear what we've just seen! The most incredible things just happened! 

SHEPHERD #4: Don't tell 'em. Owhh. 

SHEPHERD #3: We were on the hillside over there when this amazing- 

SHEPHERD #4: Don't tell them! They broke my bloody nose! 

SHEPHERD #3: Can't I tell them about the amazing th-- 

SHEPHERD #4: No! Oohh. 

SHEPHERD #3: Well, they said we were to tell everybody!

SHEPHERD #4: Not people who break your bloody nose! Come on. 

SHEPHERD #1: Where are you going? 

SHEPHERD #3: Bethlehem. 

SHEPHERD #4: Nowhere! Good night. Uhh. 

MORRIS: That's right! Leave your sheep! Leave them to the wolves! Call yourselves shepherds?! You're a disgrace to the profession! 

SHEPHERD #2: Huh. What a rotten thing to do,... 

MORRIS: Yeah. 

SHEPHERD #2: ...to go and leave those little helpless furry bundles alone on the hillside. 

holy music fades in 

MORRIS: So they can go down to Bethlehem and get drunk. 

pause 

SHEPHERD #1: Is it A.D. yet? 

MORRIS: Quarter past. 

The first advent candle is burning

I already told you about the German tradition with the 4 candles representing the 4 Sundays before Christmas. Yesterday we lit the first and I remembered a hilarious story about Christmas lights in a small German village. It's a bit like "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" and here is a short summary.

It all starts with an old lady installing 3 electrical candles on her windowsill. The neighbor counters with a Scandinavian lightning ensemble with 10 arms and 15 watt each in his kitchen window. Shortly after that, the local power plant notices some alleged defects in electricity meters. A couple then applies 96 halogen lights in their backyard which irritates the birds who start nesting immediately. Half an hour later the owner of a nearby discotheque switches on a laser beam and after a few minutes a grain elevator crumbles down due to the permanent fire of a Santa Claus laser projection. The alarm signal in the generator hall of the power plant is ignored because of a Christmas party. A WWII vet lights 190 super troupers he secretly bunkered to project the star of Bethlehem into the night sky. An hour later, a group of Asian business men is wandering the streets of the village after a Boeing 747 headed for Sydney erroneously landed the the driveway of the local bakery which is adorned by 3.000 colorful neon lights. Afterwards, a NASA space probe sends pictures of a supposed supernova from the northern hemisphere and Houston has absolutely no explanation. The above mentioned power plant is now running beyond its maximum load. A student wakes in the middle of the night and is pleased with the sunny morning. At exactly 23:12 she switches on her coffee machine. The sudden darkness of the whole district is only disturbed by the explosion of the power plant. People are wandering the pitch-black land - people who weren't satisfied by the light of one single candle.

I always cry with laughter but in our estate there are similar tendencies… Therefore I set up our Christmas tree yesterday and urged hubby to install two light chains in our windows, too. If he is going to put up that weird Santa climbing an illuminated rope ladder in our garden (and I hope, I can prevent that), Else won't stop barking, because she barks at everything new in our household. 

This weekend we received a parcel from Saxony filled with original Dresden Christmas Stollen, which means I don't have to bake any cake until Christmas (or even New Year). And it is soooo delicious! Furthermore, we had our first mulled wine for this winter (and we had white one instead of red), and Saturday evening I made stuffed zucchini and flat bread. Fortunately we had lots of leftovers I could serve on Sunday - pretty handy, right?

And as I still have some sprigs and twigs and didn't know what to do with the fabric tree ornaments, I sewed little hearts and folded some Scandinavian stars all from the same fabric, and this is what I got: 

Merry first advent, y'all!

Housekeeping - the struggle is real

Thursdays are usually designated for house cleaning. And I freely admit that I'm not the biggest fan. Fiddling around in the kitchen I like, and ironing and grocery shopping are ok, too, but cleaning… Should be something deeply rewarding as you can see the result of your work instantly, but I am glad any time I completed this task. Splitting it up into single days doesn't work - it's like extracting one tooth a day instead of pulling all teeth at once :-) 

Sometimes when my motivation is on a field trip having fun without me, I watch videos of American housewifes with 8 to 10 kids and how they manage their households. I always tell myself that their houses are so much bigger and such a large family causes so much more chaos, dirt and mess - I should be glad. Two grown-ups, two dogs and a medium sized bungalow, can't be that bad. And usually that works as motivation.

Unless yesterday when procrastination hit me hard. Did you ever think of baking your cookies in a waffle iron instead of an oven? Well I didn't, at least until yesterday. Made the dough, put it in the fridge for 20 minutes, rolled it into balls and squished them into the waffle iron. Pretty fast, pretty different and pretty nice.

As you can see in the second row from above, you have to check them regularly as they are done damn fast! They are kind of crunchy and stay that way when stored in a tin can. But I guess they will be finished quickly because they are really yummy.

So I completed my procrastination project earlier than expected, which left me with more than enough time to engage in cleaning our home. That called for a reward like this: 

Happy thanksgiving and a merry first advent!